Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
