Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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