How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
