I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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