She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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