dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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