He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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