Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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