that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
