i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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