it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
