I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
