When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
