May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
