i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
