My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
