I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
