A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
