i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we're so committed to being not committed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
