It's Friday. Sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
