dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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