he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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