The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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