a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
