it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
