Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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