The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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