so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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