we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
