I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
