my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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