My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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