She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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