i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
