so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i drank out of a bidet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
