This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
