thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
