you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is wine microwaveable?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
