i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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