The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
