they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
