I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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