her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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