if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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