apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
