The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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