My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
