Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
