Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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