Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think i got beer on your cat.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
